When I Grow Up....

I love to ask my kids what they want to be when they grow up. The answers usually vary but are amusing all the same. I guess I think about it because where I am is certainly not what I wanted to be when I grew up. But the beauty of that is God knows what he wantsus to be when we grow up. I am a wife, a mother, a career woman, and a coach. To think as a teenager I didn't even want to have kids. I have four of the most awesome kids, andbeautiful to boot. I think sometimes well maybe I just think they are great because theyare mine and try to really see what someone else might and I still come up with they arejust great kids. I just look at there little faces and can't believe they are mine. They remind me of myself and of each other at there ages. What really blowes me away is how diffrent they can be at the same time. My little Jay is alot like Blake when he was little but also has taken on his own beatiful, special little personality. When he says " I love you mommy the whole world", I can't explain what it does to me and he does it not becausehe's in trouble or because he wants something just because he loves me.
I never thought in my life time I would cay I could understand my step-mom but if I was anything like my daughter then I have to say it. I may write a book one day entitled "My Daughter, My Challenge" I have never loved someone so much and been driven so crazy by them at the same time. My daughter and I are opposites about most things and exactly alike about others, both which seem to keep us battling. I struggle so much with her because I want nothing more than for her to love and respest me, but I also want to raisea young lady, that is bright and funny and outgoing and perfect. I know, I know there isno such thing as perfect but I just love her so much and want the best for her. I want herto know I love her the way that I wanted to be loved as a child. I know I can't change mypast through her, but I have to ensure that she never comes close to feeling like I did.
The sweet spirit in our home is my middle son. Jamie is the most caring and gentle personI think I have ever known. Instead of his hard start to life hardening him God used it tomake him caring and understanding. I think Jamie is with everyone he comes in contact withthe way I am with Lexi, he tries to make sure he doesn't make people feel the way he has felt before. I believe God is going to do great things with him, he truely has a heart forthe Lord. I can see Jamie being a mentor in his High School bringing other kids to God. Myother children are lucky to have a sibling they can lean on and that will be there to comfort them.
My oldest, my friend, my entertainer, Blake. I have many, many times heard Blake desribedas "neat". He is so funny and such a smarty pance, that one minute you are furious with him and then next you are smiling and wondering what it was you were upset about. I love to hang out with Blake, it's lets me know that we are friends as well as family. I have atough time with Blake because we did hang out and listen to music and did whatever poppedinto our heads. You wanna jump in the car and go to ATL. Lets go! You wanna go get ice cream lets do that. It was just the two of us and we were happy with that. Then life chanedwe are a family now, a big ol' family six of us. I still am awed by it. Sometimes I look at him and think he does feel sad that he doesn't get as much attention, but more often I look at him and he really loves his brothers and sister and that makes my soul smile.Blake is not usually the first one to jump if you request a favor and would even getaggravated at assisting his little brother. One day I said Blake, you know it is funny tome that the things JayCee does gets on your nerves so much, because if you ever want to know what you were like as a little boy you can look at him and see yourself almost. I swear it changed the way he interacted with him, when Jay needed something Blake wouldhelp him, and I could see in his eyes he looked at him diffrently. Like I was little atone time and someone helped me, now it is my turn I am going to help him.